Open Book

August 12, 2015  •  1 Comment

I struggled being open until I had Xavier - the complications with my pregnancy drove me insane to the point where If I didn't tell anyone who'd listen I'd go crazy because there was so much I didn't know and there was even more doctors didn't know. Our faith in God grew and Jeremy and I both grew a lot as well. 

We prayed constantly for a healthy baby and thankfully we got one. Xavier spent some time in the NICU, but after that we didn't look back and neither did he. 

When we found out about Aaliyah we again grew in our faith in God and grew together. We knew we could do complicated we've done it before. We prayed for a healthy baby and God gave us one diva of a little girl.

Our third pregnancy again we prayed God just give us one normal pregnancy. We knew we could do complicated, but we were constantly wondering what this 'normal' was. We walked into our doctors office scared, nervous and since we've had enough ultrasounds with bad results being the nerd I am I could spot the differences in good and bad results. We watched the monitors, and I didn't see anything abnormal in fact it looked NORMAL. I kept my mouth shut and started biting my lip. I was like "Is everything normal? Be honest? Is it one baby or two? I don't want to lose another." 

Sweet Sweet tech who has known me through both my pregnancies and knows if she doesn't tell me I will pester her until she does told me you have a healthy baby. One HEALTHY baby. I wanted to start crying, BUT I withheld my happy girly moment and waited until I left the office and texted anyone who I thought would listen that we were having one healthy baby. We kept it a secret until I was mostly finished with the first trimester just because I still didn't believe I NakeshiaRenee would experience a NORMAL PREGNANCY. 

I realized things I didn't do with the other pregnancies that I can do with this one. I've never really taken maternity photos of myself because I was always nervous I'd lose both babies and didn't want that memory to be stuck.. in fact. I basically got rid of everything that held bad memories thinking it would make them go away. They didn't, but God knew that I being the person I am would use my struggle to help others going through the same. 

Here's the end of my book. I apologize if you read the entire thing. You're a friggin saint. My belly and all it's glory, scars and whatever else I can't see. Proudly carrying a HEALTHY baby girl. 

By God's GRACE we will be welcoming her in November of this year. McKenna Grace we're impatiently awaiting your arrival. You might be my normal pregnancy, but I promise you in this family. You'll never be a normal child. Just look at your brother & sister. #GoodLuckKid #Grateful #Strength #Struggle #Faith 

 

We've had a lot of great moments that were planned like me finally slowing the kids down and getting them to feel McKenna kick and her and Aaliyah having a tapping match on my belly. I was working on taking another belly self portrait when Aaliyah wanted her pictures taken too. I complied thinking she'd have her fill then be off playing again and she gave baby McKenna a kiss - at that moment Mckenna kicked and I was fortunate enough to capture it in my camera and get Aaliyah's reaction. She really enjoyed it and wanted to do it again and again, but unfortunately McKenna got tired of the game and went back to whatever else waiting babies do! 

Through this pregnancy though the baby is healthy I'm still struggling with health problems of my own mostly with my heart - I usually refuse to let things like that get to me, but unfortunately when it's your heart it will get to you regardless. Haha we've been going out on mini adventures and trying to keep active for my sanity - we most recently when downtown exploring in our hometown and Xavier being the diva boy he is got tired and was ready to go home to play his Xbox and watch TV. 

I'm so ready for him to be in school and learn that there's more to life than his little small comforts of home. Haha he's not very adventurous, but he kind of gets that honestly from his dad. 

 

This kid - I have to admit is all adventure, all the time. There has never been a risk she wouldn't take, a couch she wouldn't jump on, a chair she wouldn't use to climb up somewhere higher and she's not even afraid to take people's food. Okay, so she mostly takes my food and doesn't ask because she knows she's a spoiled little punk. I think both of them are in different ways. haha I can never keep her face clean - I can wipe her face before we leave, but as soon as we get out of the car there's something else on her face. She's such a goober, but she's two so I'm not even trying to fight her little personality. I'm just letting her go. haha 

What I've come to realize is that no matter what I go through - scratch that - no matter what WE go through God has always gotten us through it. He's always in control and he's always watching over me. He's the greatest - He's always been my best friend even when I didn't act the same way towards him. 

Until we have our new addition I'll be taking it easy, shooting from the heart and probably sharing a lot - bare with me though I promise soon you'll have sweet baby pictures! 


Comments

Valeri Miller(non-registered)
You are one amazing mother, wife, photographer and friend. May God continue to bless you as you follow Him!
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